Autism shapes many aspects of one’s life. Autism affects relationships and independence. When you’re on the autism spectrum, being single can sometimes feel like an inevitable outcome. Autism can make certain parts of life more challenging. Here is a look at understanding autism and embracing the single journey.

The Struggles Of Communication

One of the most common traits of autism is difficulty with communication. Expressing oneself in a way that others understand is a common struggle.

Conversations seem simple to others. For those with autism, conversation can feel like walking through a minefield. Misunderstandings are common. The effort it takes to maintain social interactions can be exhausting.

How many times have you replayed a conversation in your head, wondering if you said something wrong or missed a social cue? Communication is about more than just talking. Communication is about the nuances of tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.

These are things that don't always come naturally to people with autism. You're constantly trying to decode what someone else means. You're often unsure if you've communicated your own thoughts clearly, which leads to anxiety and reluctance to engage with others. 

This difficulty in communication can make it hard for others to see the real you. You often appear distant or uninterested, even when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

People might not realize that you care deeply. You have a different way of showing it. Common misunderstandings through communication can contribute to challenges in forming connections. The result is that many of those on the spectrum likely end up being single.

Being Seen As Personable

Another challenge is coming across as personable. Being likable to others follows from communication.

In social settings, people gravitate towards those who are outgoing, confident, and easy to engage with.

Society pushes the message that extroversion is preferable to introversion. People choose to watch or listen to charismatic and engaging social media influencers, celebrities, and politicians rather than monotone introverts.

Social anxiety often comes when interacting with people. It can make it hard to relax and be yourself. You usually focus so much on not making mistakes that you come across as stiff or awkward, even though you have thoughts to offer to a conversation.

Lacking nonverbal and verbal communication skills further adds to social anxiety. It is challenging to understand what people are saying nonverbally. Nonverbal communication makes up 80-90 percent of all human communication. It is difficult to naturally adjust the tone of your voice to add excitement or sadness to convey what you say.

The consequence is often a disconnect between you and the person you are talking to. They may misunderstand what you are attempting to convey to them. The misunderstanding is due to a lack of nonverbal and verbal communication skills from those on the spectrum.

Society often doesn't appreciate or understand the unique qualities that people with autism bring to relationships. Many on the spectrum have an intense obsession, the ability to conduct deep analysis and connect unrelated things, and the understanding that solitude increases creativity and productivity. Society overshadows these traits with the characteristics people prefer, those of the charismatic leader.

People often overlook those with autism. Neurodivergent individuals are usually quiet, thoughtful, and break the mold of what society idolizes to be successful.

Employment Challenges

Finding work that not only pays the bills but also suits your skills and makes enough to save money is often a challenge for people with autism. Employment isn’t just about earning money.

It’s also about finding a place where you feel valued and understood. The traditional workplace is yet another environment that misunderstands autism.

You might have the skills and dedication to excel in a job. But you fail the interview process. Companies design interviews to weed out those who lack social and nonverbal skills. Companies conduct interviews to find the type of employee to work in their office.

Even if you manage to get past the interview for a traditional job, the social aspects of the workplace often exhaust those on the spectrum. All the required social events come with working at a conventional workplace: teamwork, small talk, office gossip, networking, and meetings.

Office dynamics can be overwhelming for those with autism. Office politics often lead to job dissatisfaction, frequent job changes, or unemployment. The consequence for those on the spectrum is financial instability.

As you get older, the cost of living only increases. Without stable employment and income coming in every month, it can be challenging for those with autism to maintain independence. This financial strain can also contribute to remaining single.

Why This Leads to Being Single

 All these factors lead to many people on the spectrum being single. It’s not that people with autism don’t want relationships. There may be some autistic individuals who want to date and eventually marry, while there may be others who want to remain single. The numerous societal barriers autistic people deal with daily make it challenging to fathom ever being able to provide for someone else, let alone a family.

 You might avoid social situations because they’re too stressful. You may avoid a situation because past experiences have left you feeling rejected. You might feel like you must put on a mask to fit in, which leads to exhaustion and burnout. When you’re already struggling to get through the day, the idea of adding a relationship into the mix is overwhelming.

 It’s important to acknowledge that being single isn’t a failure. Being single is not something to be ashamed of. For some people, being single is a choice that allows them to focus on their own needs and passions without the added stress of navigating a relationship. However, finding ways to overcome these challenges is crucial for those who want a partner.

Overcoming The Challenges

How can you navigate these challenges? It starts with understanding and accepting who you are. You don’t need to fit into society’s mold of what a relationship should look like. It’s okay to take your time to find someone who recognizes and loves your eccentric traits.

Support is also essential. You have many options: therapy, support groups, or online communities. These connections can also provide practical advice on handling social situations, improving communication skills, and finding employment opportunities that suit your strengths.

Advocate for yourself in the workplace. Look for a job that aligns with your skills and interests. Find an employer who understands and accommodates your needs.

Another option is self-employment. You can start your own business, then consult or freelance on sites like Upwork. You can then work to find ways to build income streams for your business. 

Financial independence is a crucial part of living life. Financial freedom is simple. Stay out of debt. Live below your means. Acquire financial assets that increase in value. Protect and preserve it after you have built it.

Don’t be afraid to challenge societal norms. Relationships don’t have to look the way they do in the movies or on social media. Relationships are messy. Things become more complicated once you add another person into your life. If you want to date or find a partner, that is fine, too.

Embrace who you are as an individual. Discover your skills and strengths to uncover success and thrive as a single person!

Summary

Being single is a journey. Autism can make certain aspects of life more challenging, especially forming and maintaining relationships. You can break free from the traditional employee model by being self-employed and growing your own business. You have the power to change your life for the better, even if you are on the spectrum.

Order your copy of Thriving Solo: How to Flourish and Live Your Perfect Life (Without A Soulmate). It is now available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon. 

The views expressed in this article are the author's opinions and views and do not reflect the views of Secure Single. It is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Secure Single does not give health, medical, relationship, travel, or financial advice. Secure Single does not provide advice of any kind. Always consult and speak with a professional.